Eliminate STRESS to be your BEST

If there is one piece of advice I could share, it would be to put your health first above anything else. As I was growing up, every morning- at 6am promptly- I would hear from my bedroom, my dad leaving home, lovingly saying goodbye to my mum with a kiss followed by the words, ‘love you’ as he pulled the front door behind him.

As a driver, he worked long, stressful days returning home exhausted from the day’s delivery across Durban in South Africa. For those that lived in Durban, you would know that peak hour traffic at sunrise and sunset was horrendous. With the blazing, African sun hitting you straight in the face, tiredness enveloped every muscle in the body. My dad, at the age of 30, was a ticking time bomb, for stressed induced illnesses to explode within.

I never realized it then, my dad’s death at the age of 50, was a result of working extremely hard in making- ends- meet to lovingly give us a happy childhood. He never put himself first. He never considered what a stressful job, unhealthy eating, smoking daily and having a sweet tooth would do to his body. Did he have quality of life for the last 20 years of his life? The answer is clear to me now as a definite NO!

Each time I work with my clients (both men and women), I make links to my dad’s ill –health. Most of my clients work in very affluent careers and jobs. The physical illnesses in their bodies is seeded from high levels of stress, anxiety or depression. The same was visible in my dad. From high blood pressure caused from anxious feelings, to diabetes brought upon by high sugar diets, heart problems stemming from fast foods and breathing struggles beginning from every cigarette smoked, stress was the underlying, silent killer.

Does it have to be another generation going through the same anguish? Absolutely NOT! Many years ago, I used Rapid Transformational Therapy (RTT) myself. It was the most rapid and beneficial work I’ve ever invested in myself. Removing the limiting beliefs of unconscious stress levels, was the key in putting ME first. I healed and my healing is now transforming the lives of the people I work with. Using my RTT expertise, I help my clients remove the stress and anxiety triggers in their lives that has impacted on their health and wellbeing.

Unlike my dad, they have a chance of using the tools, I teach them to eliminate unhealthy stress so that over eating, chain smoking and an inactive lifestyle doesn’t shorten their lives, sadly affecting their families. As their well –being improves, quality of life and productivity increases. Thereafter success becomes limitless.

My biggest loss in my life, at the age of 19, was my dad. And that loss is my motivator to constantly ensure that I help my clients reach their highest potential through eliminating unhealthy stress in their lives. You can do that too!

Much Love

Nirasha Ramlugan

Director

Just Simply Change: Life Transformational Coach/Therapist

Mobile: 07737495666

www.justsimplychange.co.uk

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Podcast: https://anchor.fm/TheSmilingGuru

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March 9, 2020 by justsimplychange Leave a comment

Death: The Final Stage 5 : Harmony

Just Simply Change: Mindset Transformation Therapist

D– Denial       E- Enrage    A-Acknowledgement & Adjustment    T–Torment

H-Harmony

‘Time heals’…is what  everyone said to me, when I lost my Dad. It didn’t feel that way even after months of missing and aching for him. I thought I was actually getting there- feeling myself again. However, after the 1st anniversary of his death, the pain and memories came floating back, ever so strong. Just when you think that it is getting easier, the mind and heart takes over your thoughts. This stage is actually the 4th one- which I explained in my last blog- that I call TORMENT. Remember that this is just the healing curve, one goes through. It doesn’t last too long. When you feeling floods of heartache, just remember to follow the tips I suggested, so that the pain subsides with ease and your healing continues.

When you pass the torment…

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January 20, 2019 by justsimplychange Leave a comment

Death: The Final Stage 5 : Harmony

D– Denial       E- Enrage    A-Acknowledgement & Adjustment    T–Torment

H-Harmony

‘Time heals’…is what  everyone said to me, when I lost my Dad. It didn’t feel that way even after months of missing and aching for him. I thought I was actually getting there- feeling myself again. However, after the 1st anniversary of his death, the pain and memories came floating back, ever so strong. Just when you think that it is getting easier, the mind and heart takes over your thoughts. This stage is actually the 4th one- which I explained in my last blog- that I call TORMENT. Remember that this is just the healing curve, one goes through. It doesn’t last too long. When you feeling floods of heartache, just remember to follow the tips I suggested, so that the pain subsides with ease and your healing continues.

When you pass the torment stage, then you have finally survived grieving. Although you’ve experienced the greatest loss, you tapped into your inner strength and learnt so much about yourself and how your heart mends, with the power of a positive mind-set. You should feel really proud of yourself. You found new ways of living life without your loved one. You may have been bruised by the pain you went through, but you survived. You are now climbing back up your spiral of life even though the death you have experienced added to your emotional baggage.

You have been using the pain to do great work and service in the community to remember your loved one that you lost. You have taken their light, their energies and spread it into your community. This is such a special healing pattern to imbibe. You are starting to find your peace again because you found new positive ways to exist. Don’ fret if you have odd days of tears or sadness especially on special days, where you miss the person you have lost. Don’t ever think that you will never get back to your normal self again. That feeling is just temporary.

You have created  new routines, and you seem like you are back on track with yourself. Remember it is OK to feel like your normal self again. It doesn’t mean that the memories of your loved one is fading, it just means that you now have them watching over you and they have become your guiding light. You feel at peace with yourself.

So what could you do to continue feeling this way:

1. Appreciate their videos and pictures by looking at them daily and smile. Feel their energy all around you, when you recall memories or talk about them.
2. It’s time to put yourself first again- exercise, yoga and meditation will help you build your calm zone.
3. Make service and charity in the community a regular practice; Helping others, helps you heal.
4. Take your family on a vacation. A new scenery, makes you high spirited and brings in new memories of happiness. It can hurt a little bit especially if you are going on your first holiday without your loved one. But they are there, with you, in spirit.
5. The bereavement therapy that you might have had earlier on in your grieving stages, has definitely helped you see your loss in a different way. Remember you are not alone. Tap into the support that you have.
6. Have that music playlist of happy, soulful songs. Music has healing energies.
7. Make time for yourself- After a few years, your peace and HARMONY would have made you realise that you are a survivor. You might even want to start dating again. Don’t feel guilty; you deserve to be happy and have someone to love you again.

Your loved one, whom you’ve lost, will always live in your heart and thoughts through your memories. Cherish them. Healing is a powerful bi-product of your inner strength. Be proud of your journey and how you have coped, whilst coming through the other end of a painful loss.

If you need a listening ear or you are stuck on a stage of grieving that stops you from living your life, please feel free to contact me. Your loved one wants you to be happy again.

Keep smiling and loving

Nirasha

#TheSmilingGuru

Just Simply Change

Mobile: 07737495666

January 20, 2019January 20, 2019 by justsimplychange 1 Comment

Death: The Final Edge- Stage 4 : Torment

D– Denial       E- Enrage    A-Acknowledgement & Adjustment    T–Torment

H-Harmony

Months have passed by and your life seems to be living. You have worked through such deep feelings and although you still dearly miss the person you lost, you seemed to be strutting forward day by day. Your heart and soul still pines for the hugs and chats. Your heart bears an void that stands empty. But luckily, for your health and the loved ones around you, you pull yourself together, gaining your inner strength and move forward by default.

You have finally acknowledged and accepted your loss, thankfully having your financial burdens lifted off your shoulder, with all the clerical work completed. You had to work simultaneously to put your loved-one to rest and take over the responsibilities that once belonged to them. It’s nearing just over a year and when you think that you are coping well, an auspicious day comes up and you heart feels their absence. Your heart floods with aching feelings of loneliness.

Although you thought that the depression you went through had disappeared, the pangs are felt again. It feels as if you are downward spiralling and loosing control of your feelings again. Be mindful, but don’t dismiss it. These feelings are real but only temporary. The torment that you are feeling is a healing curve, which is inevitable. You think again about the past year and how you have lived with their absence. You bravely got back up again, and still pushing on. This is the point where you need to distract your self and keep busy so that this anguish passes. You will start to heal and feel much better than you’d felt in a long while.

The healing curve is all about harnessing your innate power to rise above that temporary pain -which hovers around like a dark cloud- so that you can start to feel and see glimpses of your old Self again. Remember that your loved one, whom you loss is in another time dimension. Every time you think or talk about them, their subtle energies are felt all around you. Therefore, welcome memories that pass through your mind. Be mindful of the pain you still have by unlocking the love and happiness you had experienced with them.

Some tips to help you:

1. Make time for yourself. You need time to retreat and heal yourself.
2. Meditation and mindfulness is a great way to look inward and tap into your inner strength. You will be able to realise the strong human being, you certainly are.
3. Start playing a sport or begin an exercise regime. It’s a great way to de-stress and meet other people. It also stimulates serotonin and endorphins.
4. Try out an art class because art is an excellent way to express yourself and your emotions.
5. During your healing curve, distract yourself by even going on a short holiday.
6. Meet up regularly with positive friends and it’s OK to have some fun and laughter.
7. Volunteer your time to a project that helps the under privileged. Charity allows you to find your purpose, whilst doing great things for the community.

You are doing amazingly well great in getting through the loss of your loved one. You have come a long way so be proud of your strength and resilience. If you ever need to chat or you need a helping hand, give me a call on whatsApp on 07737495666.

Keep Smiling

Nirasha

#TheSmilingGuru

Just Simply Change Life Coaching

07737495666

http://www.justsimplychange@yahoo.com

January 5, 2019May 23, 2019 by justsimplychange Leave a comment

Death: The Final Edge- Stage 3 Acknowledgement and Adjustment

 

 

 

It has been a while coming back to my blog writing. I’ve been focusing on my book which is in its final editing stages so I’m really happy and excited about publishing it.

I really want to finish these series of blogs on Losing a loved one, which is actually the final edge for us, from the physical relationship with them. We had two sad losses between Xmas and the new year and my heart and love sympathises with their families during these times.  These two brave souls fought hard to conquer the dreaded disease- Cancer. May they fly with the angels and watch over their loved ones.

In previous blogs I discussed ways on how we can get through Stage 1: Denial and Stage 2: Enrage. In this blog I will be writing about the next stage of grieving we go through, that is Acknowledgement and Adjustment.

D– Denial       E- Enrage    A-Acknowledgement & Adjustment    T-Torment

H-Harmony

We have been giving ‘grieving’ a huge part of us. Over the months after losing someone close to us,  the anger of being ‘left behind’ to deal with the pain overwhelms us. We continuously search for answers to the biggest questions-

“Why me?” “What if…?” “How could God be so nasty and take away what was mine?””How am I going to cope with never seeing them ever again?”

The more I ask these questions, the more angry it made me after I lost my dad, my beautiful sister in law, Nalini and my extended parents (my aunties and uncles). Recalling the anger now whilst I write this blog, actually makes me still question. This is because the void our loved ones leave behind,  can never filled again. Once we move past the anger and you are forced to acknowledge that they are no longer with us, that we will never lay eyes on them again and their hugs will never be felt again, the reality of life takes over. Life and our duty to others around us ushers a natural distraction from the grieving process. For those brief moments- in between aching for them and coping with daily challenges- we realise we forgot about the pain.

We have to find new ways of doing things. My mum had to find her inner strength as a widow, and take on financial responsibilities, driving, the family business and simultaneously being a mother. My brother had to put his life on hold, and step up as the ‘man in the house’. He had to be there daily, to ease the burden after losing my dad. During this time of acknowledging that they are never coming back home, you have to quickly be a problem solver and put measures in place so that life continues. You start to shelve your feelings and be present in the NOW.

This can be quite healthy for your healing, because you start to remember what life was like and now you have to make the necessary adjustments to make your life work without your loved one.  While you are changing your physical environment, you actually, on an unconscious level, give yourself permission to find new ways to carry on. You latch back onto the life that you were living, finding a way to pick up the pieces and continue the journey. At times, when you start to immerse yourself into your work, you actually feel normal again. But when you feel normal by smiling and having a bit of banter, waves of guilt wash over you. Now if you focus on this guilt and focus about what others might think and how they may perceive you, you will continue to grieve.

STOP! Missing someone doesn’t mean you have to be in floods of tears everyday, and be buried in misery. It doesn’t mean that when your loved one passes on, you have to take vows of sadness and and thrive on others feeling sorry for you. Because if you did, then you will bring upon a life of unhappiness and illness, which might take you closer to your death. You may think that you also might be better off  not living but remember that you have your own life journey and you have the duty to your loved ones around you to be the best you can. Others around you, NEED you!

So what can you do to acknowledge and accept the loss of your loved one?

1. Do not forget about them. Talk to family and friends about all the happy times you had with them. What really helps is making a scrap book of your favourite memories with the person you lost so that you will always have it close to you. Your tears will start to change to smiles and laughter.
2. On special days like their birthdays or anniversaries etc, organise some charity in the community on behalf of them. This allows you to celebrate the love and life they lived,  with others that could do with some TLC. When you make others happy, your mindset and heart set changes. The unconscious mind starts to override the sadness of your loss with gratitude and gratefulness.
3. Distract yourself by keeping busy. Don’t overwork, where you would end up with burning out. Just keep your idle mind busy. Join clubs, that gives you a chance to interact with other people.  Go for coffee catch ups with friends and use your friends as your distractions. But choose friends that would make you laugh and get you to have some fun.
4. Surround yourself with a new way of thinking. Use the death of your loved one as an important point of reference- the REASON why you should live your life to the fullest.
5. Every time you feel heart ache or you miss them, stop whatever you are doing and consciously smile- Smiling allows your brain to stimulate serotonin and endorphins that are happy chemicals in your body. I always reminded myself that when my loved ones were living, they loved seeing me smile and hear me laugh, so I will consciously do this so that they can always see me happy from which every spirit world they are in. This was great for re -framing of my thoughts.
6. Many people become scared and guilty that they forget little things about the people they have lost. This can be quite overwhelming and can take you back a few steps in your healing. Therefore, watch home videos of them. Videos allow you to remember  their voice, their laughter and also how they looked. It’s a beautiful feeling being able to remind yourself of the happy memories you have experienced with them.
7. To rewire your sleeping patterns, can be quite a challenge. Many of my bereavement and grieving patients, who I’ve worked with, suffer with sleeping disorders. They either sleep too much during the day and at night they cannot sleep through the night. Hypnosis helps for this. Listen to calm music or sleep inducing recording to allow you to sleep properly again. Start developing your bedtime routines again; no technology an hour before bed, a soothing bath, a warm herbal drink or a book to read.
8. During the Denial and Enrage stages, you might have started your education and awareness of life after death, You must have read most of the books, thinking that the experiences in these books will help you overcome your loss or makes sense about death. Yes they do help a lot but your acceptance of your loss, is a process your unconscious mind has to go through. It needs to be re programmed on how to live life without your loved ones, anymore.

When you accept something, your unconscious mind makes room for the changes to follow. Peronally, I feel Death is the most challenging aspect of life. How you pick up the pieces will determine the rest of your live. Be strong. Seek professional help to understand and get the right tools to heal quicker. There are others living around you, that need you. But most importantly, your soul needs a happy, healthy body to experience life.

I dedicate this blog to Jess Lydon- a dear friend, who was a strong, brave human being that was taken too soon and also to my cousin Vikesh Maharaj, who is now an angel watching over his loved ones.

Remember the reason you hurt after loss is because you LOVED and you were LOVED. Being loved is the greatest gift. Appreciate it. 

Keep smiling and tapping into your inner strength

Nirasha

#TheSmilingGuru

Just Simply Change Life Coaching

07737495666

http://www.justsimplychange@yahoo.com

January 5, 2019January 5, 2019 by justsimplychange Leave a comment

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Life can sometimes be a challenge. As the Smiling Guru from Just Simply Change, I have been through my own life’s experiences. These moments have allowed me to learn and grow. Hence, this therapy and coaching Practice helps hundreds of children, adults and small businesses overcome challenges and experience success, over the last 12 years. Check out our social media platforms to see what we do and how we can help you stand out and shine.

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Keep Smiling

Nirasha

November 13, 2018 by justsimplychange Leave a comment

Death: The Final Edge

Source: Death: The Final Edge

May 20, 2017 by justsimplychange Leave a comment

Death: The Final Edge- Stage 1: Denial

Source: Death: The Final Edge- Stage 1: Denial

May 20, 2017 by justsimplychange Leave a comment

Death: The Final Edge- Stage 2: Enrage

Source: Death: The Final Edge- Stage 2:  Enrage

May 20, 2017 by justsimplychange Leave a comment

Death: The Final Edge- Stage 2: Enrage

D– Denial       E- Enrage    A-Acknowledgement & Adjustment    T-Torment      H-Harmony

After experiencing the tragic loss of a loved one, weeks of denial, envelopes our whole being. We launch a brew of extreme anger in our minds. I describe this anger as ‘launch’ because it mentally feels like a rocket launching. It starts off slowly and then being to take momentum until it reaches full blast.

Enraged by the feelings of loneliness and longing, it feels like your world is crumbling around you. You feel numbness but simultaneously feel anger and rage awakening like a beast within your soul. The questions of wonder…. “Where is your loved one who left you alone? Where is their soul gone to? How can you go on living, never seeing that person again in this lifetime?”

Your mind is brutalized by these questions that refuse to leave you! Your awakening state becomes a distraction by the mundanity of living, occurring around you. However, the silence of the nights become your torture zone. Sleep has forgotten you. Whilst staring into nothingness, seeing images of memories with the person you lose, crushes you with each image. The more you are robbed of sleep, the bigger the strain is on your mental and physical mindset. Your body needs sleep to repair itself. The lack of sleep makes us irritable, frustrated and magnifies daily issues around us. We become brusque and short-tempered. And because we are losing control of our thoughts, feelings, and behaviour, it starts a downward spiral of enrage, resentment and fury.

Our family and friends are caught up in a dilemma: to give you space by stepping back or Molly- coddling you with exaggerated love (multiple phone calls, cooking dinner for you, a constant flow of positiveness and several distraction mechanisms). Your numbness coupled with anger and the inability to make rash decisions makes you reactive rather than logic and reasoning in your thinking.  Many a time, your outburst and tearful breakdowns can make them scared. They start to stand back in the desperate need not helping you rather than throwing you over the edge.

At this point, when you are sitting all alone and feeling sorry for yourself and your selfish behaviour, take a deep breath in and remember that you are grieving. There is no physical switch in your unconscious mind to switch on or off how you are feeling and dealing with your grief. BE GENTLE ON YOURSELF! Be mindful of how you are feeling. Observe these emotions and find ways of letting them go.

How do you deal with enrage while grieving?

1. Although many people, even medical practitioners would advise anti- depressants, sleeping or calming tablets, find your inner strength to overcome this emotional rollercoaster with self- healing, counseling, and therapy. Drugs and medication only bring temporary relief and mask the reality of your feelings. The chances of becoming immune to the strength of the dosage over time are very common and hence something stronger might be prescribed.

2. Your Heart Chakra (energy point) is being affected. Surround yourself with nature. The greenness and beauty of trees, plants, and flowers helps to stimulate happy chemicals in your brain.

3. Find a quiet space in your home, to just be. Start off with 3-5 minutes of meditation and visualisation of a happy feeling you have experienced in the past. This will tap into your unconscious mind and remind it how to smile and be happy again. Each day, you start to feel a little better. This time you are giving to yourself is giving permission to your unconscious mind to slowly let go of the anger that you are feeling towards the one you lost for leaving you behind.

4. Each morning, look at your hands. For each finger and thumb, say it out loud, what you are grateful eg. I’m grateful for my children. I’m grateful for the sunshine. I’m grateful for a better night sleep. Etc. This acknowledgment of gratitude begins the process of releasing the anger and welcoming moments of happiness.

5. Prayer- the power of prayer or chanting is under appreciated. Just chanting your favourite affirmation or mantra can reiterate and re-programme your unconscious mind. Eg. I am a beautiful flower that brings happiness. I am the light that shines brightly. May God hold my hand and shower his grace upon me. Let me keep smiling and spreading the love. Etc . These affirmations will begin the process of letting go of the anger and you start to acknowledge and adjust your thoughts and behaviour about everything that has happened.

6. Start an exercise regime. Whether it is walking, running or going to the gym, the introduction of exercise to your grieving management, gets your brain to stimulate dopamine and serotine which are natural happy chemicals.

7. Speaking to a professional therapist always helps. Hypnotherapy and other techniques are amazing in letting go of the pain and help you through the loss of a loved one.

We all have that reserve of inner strength, to help us through trauma and negative experiences. Listen to your body, hear what your unconscious mind needs. The person you lost, wouldn’t want you living in pain and tears, whilst holding onto their soul. They are only free when they see smiles and happiness again. Release the anger, so that you can begin the journey of setting their soul free from your attachment.

Sending you lots of healing love.

Keep Smiling

Nirasha

07737495666

May 20, 2017June 6, 2017 by justsimplychange 1 Comment