Month: December 2015

The Healing Silence

Today I stood outside a beautiful cathedral in Lincoln. This colossal place of worship was built in 1088, commissioned by the great William the Conqueror. The intricate carvings and sculptures just overwhelmed my senses. I looked in awe….whilst patiently waiting in the queue to enter this sanctum of prayer. What caught my eye instantaneously were the breath-taking stain glass windows, which portrayed stories from the biblical times.

As I walked through the huge dark-wooded doors, a feeling of peace was felt deep within my heart. My eyes scanned the high ceilings with long medieval chandeliers hanging down elegantly. I could feel the smoothness of the original cobbled stone under my feet. My curiosity attracted me into a tiny side room with diamond shapes of yellow and blue tinted glass which seemed to be a prayer room. I walked inside by naturally bowing my head to enter the low arch of the doorway and sat next to my husband on the old paisley, upholstered chairs along the edge of the cold-stoned walls. The silence was a pleasure because it contrasted the hassle and bustle outside on the High Street.

I sat still and chanted aloud the Sanskrit mantra for peace…Om Asatoma Sadgamaya, Tamasoma Jyotirgamaya, Mrityorma Amritamgamaya, Om Shanti, Shanti, Shanti. This was so apt because the meaning of this mantra is:

From unreal lead me to real
From darkness lead me to light
From death lead me to immortality
Om, peace, peace, peace…

This is a prayer, which I hold very close to my heart, reminds me that everything around me, is my mind’s illusion. What is true is my being, that is my immortal, unaffected soul.

When I took a candle from the wicker basket, lit it with the flame of another, I remembered and prayed for my family and friends near and afar. I smiled to myself because I felt a comforting warmth knowing HE was listening. The  peaceful silence in the Cathedral  was definitely healing energy.

A beautiful visit indeed.

Keep smiling…remember U make Ur happiness.

 

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Celebrating vs complaining

When I look around there’s a world, my world, that I have so much to be grateful for. A few nights ago was one of those special moments my heart was filled with gratitude and appreciation.   How clever is our brain to perceive personal experiences in our life and then change it into chemical hormones, produced in the part of our brain called the hippocampus. Thereafter, these chemicals become an emotion, feeling or sensation in our body (anchored in the heart, solar plexus and the mind) that stimulates a feeling such as endearment and gratefulness. This unity in our mind, body and soul is just incredible to comprehend. We rarely take the time to conceptualise the feelings that our mind conjures up.

It was the pearl anniversary of my sister and my brother in law a few nights ago. What better way to share in their happiness and show gratitude for their love they spread in our lives, by throwing a surprise party. Amongst the balloons, tinsels and candlelight, excitement and elation filled the hearts of our friends and family as the celebratory couple walked into their surprise reception. This moment was priceless. I pressed the pause button in my mind to appreciate their journey over the last 30 years, narrated by their first born. The rollercoaster of life’s trials and tribulations…with every experience being the stepping stone to something greater.

When life throws us a curve ball, what is our first reaction? The natural response of many is to complain or get angry or go on a fault finding mission or just runaway from the problem at hand. A very small community of people actually look at the brighter side of life when situations are dull and dismal. They are the role models for attracting positive energies in their lives and the insipidness is temporary.

The new year is on our doorstep. 2016, a new start to wipe the slate clean, a new chance to choose to do things differently. A new time to undergo metamorphose so that we can be happy with who we are. So the question for 2016 is….Are we going to CELEBRATE our life or COMPLAIN about it?

  1. Take time to think about this question.
  2. Make a personal pledge to yourself to celebrate your life.

Please feel free to share your thoughts with me!

Keep smiling….remember U make Ur happiness!

 

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It’s the holidays: Is it stress-full or stress-free?

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‘Tis the season to be jolly… It’s great listening to Christmas songs echoing through  shopping mall, radio stations and loving homes. No one wants to miss out on the holiday excitement. Everyone wants time to enjoy hot chocolates with marshmallows and appreciate the flickering glow from the lights that reflect from the baubles on the Christmas tree.

But how do you keep your calm in the middle of the festive ‘Storm’? I know that you are super excited about being the perfect host to friends and family, celebrating with you. However, you don’t need to be the super woman doing everything yourself. You can be in control but you don’t need to micro-manage everything.

-Trust your family and friends to share in the Responsibilities. Then your possibilities become endless.

-Plan your shopping lists and get the shopping done early. Don’t be a last minute shopper. MEN… Get your Xmas presents sorted early…. Most shopping mall have charity, wrapping facilities. Use them! You will definitely impress your loved ones with the professional

-Find quiet time for yourself. Watch a corny Xmas movie. It just makes you feel warm, loving and calm. You’ll be much more at ease to spread the Xmas love when you are a little more relaxed.

-Thinking too much about what needs to be done can be very exhausting. Put your thoughts on postiks instead of cramming them in your head so you can keep your mind stress free and focus on getting things completed.

-Smile!!! Find moments to smile or laugh because this produces natural happy hormones in the brain. Best way to raise the celebratory spirits.

Don’t forget to capture these moments by zooming into the beautiful little things that makes everything so special. Happy holidays!

I’m off to bake some gingerbread cookies.

Keep smiling! U make ur happiness…

 

 

 

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Journeys to the unknown

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We’ve all been here! How many times have you heard people say, “I don’t know what to do….What if it’s the wrong decision?…I could be making a huge mistake…I don’t know what’s in stall for me….etc.”

I know for a fact that I have been in this  conundrum too many times. Thank God, with the right support around me, most of the choices I’ve  made worked out really well. But this isn’t such an easy road to ride on if you don’t have the support and tools to process the pro’s and con’s. As a  life transformation coach and a clinical hypnotherapist, I have come across numerous people that find it hard to make decisions in life.

Have you ever asked a visitor, a friend or family member, this simple question, “What would you like to drink?” Did they answer…’anything’ or ‘I don’t know, you can decide.’? Why do you have to make the choices of  what they would prefer? Many people in the world find it a challenge to make decisions.  From making decisions about mundane things like choosing a drink, clothes or a route to work, to the more complex and important ones such as choosing a career path or a life- partner, some people can buckle under the pressure.  The emotions people experience as the brain begins to process new prospects in life, starts with FEAR. Fear of not knowing the outcome, leads to doubt, and snowballs into a decrease in confidence and faith in oneself.

Fear increases the stress hormone cortisol in the brain causing anxiety and unhappiness. This may last in the body for a short while however it adds to the emotional baggage. People, who are often indecisive begins to form patterns in the way they think and behave. There is a lack of unity in their thoughts, words and behaviour.

Here are some key tips which I have used  when making important decisions:

  1. Get to know yourself– Know what makes you happy. Start to ask yourself questions such as- Who am I? What puts a smile on my face? What do I value in life? Where do I see myself a year from now? Become emotionally literate ie. Get to know what makes you tick.
  2.  Believe in yourself– Have faith in what you know. Be proud of your achievements and abilities. Have confidence in what would be best for you.
  3. Look at the possibilities of the different routes to your goal– Visualise or see yourself achieving the outcome. Take cognisance of how you are feeling whilst visualising yourself in that specific setting. Question yourself on which route would be the best one for you.
  4. Does your decision affect anyone else? – If it affects you or other people in a positive way then it’s a ‘no brainer’- you are on the right track. If your choice is going to have negative repercussions on others, would your conscience be able to deal with it?
  5.   Golden Rule: Don’t make any decisions when you are emotionally charged up with negativity. – It could be disastrous filtering through all that negative current. Meditate- Release those emotions and then revisit what needs to be done.

It’s ok to make odd mistakes or two however be wise and learn from these lessons. Don’t make the wrong choices again and again- it then becomes harmful baggage that will start to weigh you down.

I hope that this has helped you to get rid of your fear of the unknown. If you don’t take calculated risks, you could miss opportunities in life that would lead to your happiness.

Keep smiling- U Make Ur happiness. 

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To Be, Do, See & then Tell

Ever since I was a little girl, I always wanted to be a teacher.  Never would I imagine that this would be the path I followed as a career. Or it’s more like this profession, as an educator, chose me.

My first ever teaching experience began when I was around 5… I used to practice on the children that lived in our back yard. I remember quite vividly the families who, at different times, rented our granny cottage ( better known in Durban as the ‘outbuilding’), which helped my dad supplement his income. One specific family, who we grew really fond of was Rita Aunty and Jaya Uncle. They had three children very similar in age to my siblings and I.

I would direct them in a ‘teacher voice’ to take their places on a wooden bench in the garden, telling them that school has begun. As I called out their names to take the register, Moira, Linda, Leon and my little brother Nishan would sit up straight acting on every word I speak. Now I realise with a cynical smile and a silent grin, the only reason they were so enthusiastic to listen to me, was the stick I had in my hand to indicate to them that I was the teacher. It was weird how a stick would condition children into certain behaviour. I felt powerful…I dared not use it because I knew my role  as ‘Madam’ would be over. This was my very first class of children who ignited that spirit and flame to teach and lead.

I was such a confident teacher as a 5 year old…and this went on for two years until I formally started primary school. As Moira and I spoke excitedly about what our first  day at school is going to be like, I could feel butterflies fluttering in my tummy. I was scared, nervous, fearful and anxious. Anxious about how was I going to leave my mummy. I prepared the other children for school but not myself. I only knew what life was as a teacher but not a student.

When my mum dressed me up and walked me to school with Moira and Rita Aunty, I held onto my mum’ s bangles on her hand.  I could feel tears welling up and my heart pounding in my chest. My sister Nirvana who was fours years older than I was, had to leave her class to come an ease my anxiety. As my mum and the teacher, Mrs Murivan, struggled to release my grip from my mum’ s bangles, my sister annoyingly tugged at my shoulders whispering, “Asha, let go of mummy’s bangles and I will sit in class with you.” Listening to her frustrated voice and holding onto her promise, I released my mum to the freedom of walking back home without a crying child.

Moira volunteered to sit with me as a distraction so that Nirvana could escape the embarrassment of consoling a cry sibling. When I realised that she was gone and I was alone again. I took control of myself. I had to take the first step of breaking the shackles of the classroom with happy children… I asked the teacher if I could go to the toilet and that was my alibi, to make my great escape….I ran away from school back to my safety net….my home.

This was definitely not what my mother expected in her wildest dreams…she welcomed me with a few shots from a plastic,  Staedler ruler on my legs and marched me back to school. This time, the shock and sting from the ruler, engraved in my mind that I must never cut school, ever again. And 36 years later….I’m still going to school, doing what I love to do best… Which is being a guru….being a teacher….and hoping to be a role model that my children aspire to be.

Now, that’s how my path as a teacher began…

Keep smiling…U make UR happiness!

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My story…..

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Gesture made by south africa flag colored hands showing symbol of heart and love

It’s always a challenge to choose the right words for your first blog… Your first story. That’s exactly how I feel right now. I’ve written articles, short stories, academic dissertations, manuals etc etc etc…but writing about me and my story definitely needs more of my thoughts.

So let me start all the way in South Africa… That’s where I was born- 1972, 12th February- a day after my mum, with a heavy and sad heart, said her final goodbyes to her mother. Imagine loosing your mum today and then giving birth to a baby girl the next day. Not sure whether this would be tears of sadness or joy. Definitely, a mixed bag of emotions.

However, my joy and  my journey began with the greatest blessings in my life, the most beautiful parents, Prem and Roshnee and immersed in the love of my two brothers (Navin & Nishan) and sister (Nirvana). My 29 years of growing up in a country, that we now call the rainbow nation, was sowed with the seeds of life’s lessons, which I’m truly grateful by being able to harvest the goodness along my journey. I was quite fortunate ( to my opinionated husband, it would be called ‘naive’) to be sheltered from the effects of apartheid by living in Chatsworth, Durban- a suburb synonymous with Indians. That’s were most of the Indians in Kwazulu, Natal were housed during the times of racial separations in South Africa.

But being a child living and being brought up in an environment where we all had the same colour skin, shared similar religious beliefs and values….there was no reason to question because we were happy in our own little world. Then I grew up and I have to leave the fish bowl and venture out. That’s when I realise,  oh my God, that things were so different and vast. When I left home at 22, to go to Johannesburg, to start my first job, ever… as a teacher, I felt terrified and scared but also excited and curious to start a new chapter.

There are so many things (learnings & lessons)  I picked up in Egoli ( City of Gold) that changed my life and the most life- changing one  was finding my soulmate, Anesh and having a new family….the Ramlugan’s, who lovingly welcomed me into their lives. This new relationship, both with Anesh and his gorgeous family, further enhanced my understanding and beliefs:

  • that  Love has no boundaries and it is infinite.
  • good family values and character (engrained in my heart by my parents) always triumphs.
  • that breaking caste barriers exposed me to my true love…and was the catalyst for our happiness
  • what an honour and blessing it is for Anesh and I, being the parents or  chosen guardians for Ashveer and Sahana in this lifetime- pure joy
  • of Sathya Sai Baba, my divine master, which complemented my spiritual values system as a hindu, which my parents instilled in my soul.

My Divine  Master changed my thinking, causing a paradigm shift when he said, ” There’s only one religion, the religion of love. There’s only one Language, the language of the heart…..”. This got me thinking about the language of my heart and I started to delve deeper into what my heart and head were saying so that I could be the best ‘me’.

I look forward to sharing my story  with you as a parent, as a teacher, as a therapist & life coach but most of all as a fellow human being wanting to make a difference to myself by aspiring to ‘ be the change, I want to see in the world’…( Gandhi).

Keep smiling… U make ur happiness!

 

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